- What the hell? - After everything we've been through?
You betray me like this?
Ow!
Look, I'm a cop, you're a criminal, that's how the relationship works.
Is that really necessary?!
"Necessary."
Was it necessary for you to enter my circle of trust
and then betray me?!
Aah!
Ohh!
That was for pretending to be my friend.
And that...
...Is because I hate cops.
Are we friends, Jack?
Yeah. Sure.
I mean, we... we've been through a lot together.
Yeah, but do we really know each other?
If we were on "the dating game" and Jim Lange asked,
"where's the weirdest place your partner ever did the deed?"
I wouldn't know.
Yeah. You know, I'm okay with that.
See, t-that there is why we cannot get to be a great team
like Starsky and Hutch, Nixon and Agnew,
or B.J. and the bear.
No, the bear was a monkey, Dan. Well, w-whatever.
The point is, we put our lives on the line together every day.
We got to get inside each other's heads.
Two...Must be as one.
Speaking of which,
I got to do some of both of those numbers
if they let me use their john.
Well, it's about time, detectives.
Why does it take two hours
to get someone here to investigate a crime?
Well, we had some calls that involved
victims that... Weren't made of fiberglass.
This is the third time this week
someone's put Mr. sparky through my front window.
Now, my taxes pay your salary,
and I expect some attention, too.
Can you think of anyone who might have a beef with you
or with, uh, sparky here?
If I did, I wouldn't need detectives.
Look, I got a shipment of smartphones coming in Monday.
And if the front of my store looks like a war zone,
my customers are gonna so somewhere else,
and I'll get stuck with a bunch of $700 phones.
$700 for a phone?
That's a crime.
Surely there's an alarm system here.
Did it not work, malfunction?
Look around, Detective.
It's pretty clear... alarms don't work.
Clear!
Whoo! Whoo!
How'd we do?
Let's see.
Okay. We got...
Oh, come on.
You've got to be kidding me!
What is it?
Everything you got was worthless!
Pills for erectile dysfunction and hair loss.
Baby, I went for the top-shelf items,
just like you said to do.
Read the labels, then.
How you gonna support us
if you can't even rob an unguarded pharmacy?
I promise you, next pharmacy we hit,
everything's gonna be perfect.
Lieutenant, we heard about the pharmacy
that was hit last night.
Technically, Jack heard about it.
Then he told me a few minutes ago.
So now we both heard about it.
Oh, I just wanted to point out, you know,
a pharmacy is a property, and stealing drugs is a crime.
Therefore, it's a property crime,
which is our department,
so I thought that maybe stark and I could...
pharmaceutical theft belongs to drug task force.
Broken windows and molested mascots belongs to you.
W-we can handle more than one case at a time.
Yeah, I know you can. I don't think the city can.
That's valid. No. It is not valid!
I'll tell you what... if you can close this case
without sparking an international incident
or warehouse shootout, then I'll think about it.
But for now, gentlemen, get back to work.
Look, Jack, I have got to get back to work.
You can't be calling me for every little thing.
Well, this isn't every little thing.
I just want to know
if your office would prosecute a vandalism case.
Look, Jack, I just had my supervisor walk in here
and run me up one side
and down the other for spending too much time on code 58s.
She even asked me
if my past relationship with you had anything to do with it.
Well, and what did you say?
Well, I told her it didn't, but...
ah, but what?
Jack, I'm crazy busy here, okay?
With this case, I'm just swamped,
and then I got Kyle, and I...
what I'm trying to tell you is that I just don't think
I can help you out for a couple days, okay?
Hey, no. That's fine.
I think I can go 48 hours
without needing uh, legal advice.
That's good.
I hate to burst your bubble,
but you're not the only one with plans this weekend.
Dan and I are going on stakeout.
Stakeouts are overrated.
How's that?
Just as a crime-fighting tool. This could take weeks!
Sittin' in a car!
Lookin'.
Which is why I always bring along...
The cop's best friend.
How old is this thing?
All you got to do,
plant her in the bushes, press "record."
You and I go out, get a couple of beers,
come back, see what we caught.
It's kind of like fishing.
Yeah, okay. One beer.
And then we're back here when it's dark outside.
Of course just one.
Maybe two.
And, you know, we'll bond, and then...
Then we'll come back to work.
You got a plump upper lip,
and you got plenty of groomin' space under your nose.
You could definitely pull off a 'stache.
I tried it once. I did.
I thought it would, you know, make me look tougher.
Problem is, it didn't grow in on the outsides,
only in the middle,
so I-it just ended up making me look like Hitler.
Boy, did he kill that 'stache.
I wouldn't bang any of 'em, Dan.
Why the hell not?
They're cartoons.
That's just prejudice.
And racism.
W... against cartoons?
You have to pick.
You can't know a man
until you know his taste in cartoon ladies.
Yeah, we moved from, uh, Boston
Christmas break, eighth-grade year.
Uh, house got broken into.
My mom, she just didn't feel safe there anymore.
She probably heard about the super cops down here.
Fact... every time "savage & stark" showed on tv,
at least 412 people moved into the Dallas metropolitan area.
You can look that up.
She moved here because of her allergies.
Yeah. Her crime allergies.
You know what we need to do?
Get back to work?
We got to come up with code words.
Code words?
Every partnership needs a-a secret way to communicate.
Like, uh, Frank and me... "snakebite"
meant you'd pop the perp in the ankle.
If you're in a multiple-threat scenario,
you'd say, "reagan."
That meant you took the guy on the right.
Or "carter" meant you took the guy on the left.
Hm.
Well, what's the code word for "let's get out of here"?
"Theresa."
Theresa.
Frank's first wife.
They were only married 17 hours.
I mean, the only way you could know something like that
is to... is to, you know, get into your partner's head.
You know whose head I want to get into?
Liz's. Weird.
She says the reason why we're not dating anymore
is because she doesn't want to date a cop.
But I think it's because...
enough, already.
Let me give you a piece of advice.
Getting wrapped up in past mistakes
is the worst thing a guy can do.
Okay.
Silvio?
Silvio, is that you?
Holy...
It's me... Bobby. Bobby kneecaps. Hm?
Bobby caps!
Are you freakin' kiddin' me?
Mwah! Madon!
I thought you was dead.
Do I look dead to you?
Oh, I feel bad now.
I mean, when we didn't hear from you for three months,
we thought you was with the fishes,
and we spent your cut of the 400 "k."
Your cut? Forget about it.
I can't forget about it.
Robbing the dog track was your idea.
I mean, it ain't right that you don't get nothin' from it.
Let me tell you something, caps...
I was just telling... This, uh, friend of ours...
you can't worry about what happened in the past.
Fuggedaboutit.
Tell you what... the whole crew's in town.
What do you say we get together tomorrow afternoon
at our joint, mama Mia's.
We'll talk over old times, we'll catch up,
and we'll talk over new business.
Nice.
I'll be there.
Nice to meet you.
All right, caps.
You look good.
I can explain.
Oh, my lord.
Seven years ago, I went undercover...
i mean deep undercover
to bust these mob guys from up north.
Okay, so how does busting mob guys from up north
turn into you letting them get away with $400,000?!
There were... Complications.
Okay, everybody knows what they're doing.
Bobby Caps, you got the door.
Big Lou, Vin, you load the van.
I'll make sure the guards is occupied.
I'm telling you boys... nine hours from now,
we're all gonna have a financial horseshoe
hangin' out of our ass.
Son of a bitch!
You slept through your own sting?
I was fighting a cold!
Nobody told me the rule
about not mixing cold medicine with the tropical rums.
Yeah, yeah. They should put a warning on the labels.
It gets worse. Of course it does.
The 400 "k"...
Was department money
they gave me to use as bait.
When the lieutenant found out it was gone,
that's pretty much what busted me down to property crimes.
So...You go to mama Mia's tomorrow,
we show up, and we bust them.
Problem solved.
I kind of designed the perfect heist.
There was no evidence.
Judge wouldn't even bring it to trial.
And those guys disappeared,
and I guess I just kind of tried to forget 'em.
Well, they certainly remembered you, Silvio.
Yeah. Technically, I'm still undercover.
You know what that means, Jack?
Yes, I do, Dan.
We could still take these guys down.
But what about our vandalism case?
Fuggedaboutit.
Let's get ourselves some real criminals.
Now, don't worry, baby. I scouted this place.
There ain't no security,
and the only guy who works here is the pharmacist,
and he's like a hundred years old.
And you know which drugs to steal this time?
That's the beauty of my new strategy, darling...
I don't got to know nothin'.
Mm! Okay.
All right, grandpa!
In case you haven't noticed, this here's a robbery!
"Now put your hands where I can see 'em!"
He's already got 'em up, baby. Skip on to the next part.
"Load up these bags!
"And not with everything... just the expensive crap
that the kids take when they want to stay up all...Night."
You want to give me the bags?
Right. Give him the bags.
Now, we don't want to hurt nobody.
We're not violent people.
What is wrong with you?
What? We're very violent!
And we will hurt the dickens out of you, old man!
Well, baby, I think that we need to make him feel comfortable.
Have you lost your mind? No, I mean, he's old.
What if he panics and has a heart attack or something?
Oh, God! Oh, God!
What the hell is wrong with you?! He don't even have teeth!
How was I supposed to know he's got a shotgun?!
This is Texas! Everybody's got a shotgun!
Aah!
Oh, God!
Here you go, baby.
You're a good kid.
Girls, you look nice with those cones.
Whoa!
I want you to buy yourself... Somethin' nice.
That's a c-note, girls. Split it.
Let's roll.
Here it is... this week's take.
I can't believe Silvio's alive.
Am I the only one
who thinks it's strange how he just vanished
and now he's back like nothing ever happened?
What are you talking about?
I mean, it's weird.
You know, if someone owed me 100 "k,"
I'd want to do everything I could to collect it.
Hey, we owe everything we got to this guy.
I mean, if you can't trust Silvio,
who can you trust?
Madon!
Silvio. Vin.
How you been?
Bobby caps!
Huh? Come on!
Hey, Silvio, how come you never showed up at the heist?
Whoa, uh...
The crazy thing, uh...
I got jumped.
By who?
Some guys.
They heard about the job. They, uh, wanted a piece.
I kept my mouth shut.
They put me in a, uh, what do you call...
a c... a coma.
Four years.
Coma? What kind?
What do you mean, what kind? The bad kind.
What's his problem here? Nothing.
We all feel real bad about what happened to you.
Fuggedaboutit.
I'm just glad to be out of those freakin' diapers.
Anything we can do to make it up to you?
As a matter of fact,
I'm going through kind of a tough time,
money-wise.
So if you could, I don't know, cut me in
on whatever you got going.
Actually, we got something happening later on today.
Maybe you could help us unload it.
Very nice.
All right, so let's take what we got,
look for a pattern, and see if we can predict
which pharmacy we think they're gonna hit next.
All right. Let's get to it.
Hey, all I'm "aksking"
is that you give me one more chance
to take these guys down.
And I'm just asking you to drop that ridiculous accent.
Oh, my God.
Accent? What accent? It's the way Silvio talks.
Seriously? He's undercover.
Look, we'll talk about it later,
'cause right now I got to figure out
how I'm gonna stop these drugstore cowboys
from hitting up every pharmacy in Dallas.
Hey, no!
These mobsters got something going on this afternoon.
They got a shipment they need help...Unloading.
Look, lieutenant, you can't just pass this on
to some task force, all right?
They trust Dan. Silvio.
And this is our chance to catch these guys red-handed.
Okay, you realize that this is
the exact same speech Dan gave me... Silvio gave you.
...Seven years ago, when those same mobsters
got away with 400 grand of the department's money?
Yes, but this time it won't just be...Silvio.
I'll be there to make sure that he wakes up on time
and that things go down the right way.
All right, if the d.A.
Can get the papers processed on time,
I will sign off on your sting.
Mwah!
He's undercover.
All right, listen up.
I'll maintain visuals on the suspects.
As soon as they take possession,
we'll move in, we'll make the arrests, all right?
You ready for a little redemption?
Did Sinatra get any tail?
He did.
It's go time.
Go get 'em.
Sil.
We thought you was gonna be a no-show... again.
Yeah, you want me to show you this?
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't worry about it.
You're exactly on time.
Oh. I appreciate you bringing me in on this.
Fuggedaboutit. It's the least we could do for you.
What are we, uh... What are we bringing in?
Seafood.
We get it from a boat down on the gulf.
Ha! Seafood. Right.
Detective Bailey.
I'm gonna need you to stay back.
Bobby caps has already seen you with Dan.
We can't risk outing him as a cop.
But I got the jacket on!
And it looks pretty on you.
Relax. You brought us to the goal line.
Let us put it in the end zone for you.
Here comes the truck.
Okay. Let's get ready to roll.
So, you need buyers?
You want me to... Line up a few?
No, we just use our regular customers.
Hm. Right. You want to give me a list of names, what?
No, we got it on our end. We're okay.
I thought you needed me to, you know, unload.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, we're... Unloading from the truck
to the van.
Oh.
Okay, we're good! Go! Go! Go!
Dan.
Hands where I can see them!
What the hell is this?!
All right! Hands where I can see them!
What's in the container?
Hey! Don't answer that pig! She don't got no warrant!
Right here.
Anybody can get a warrant!
Easy, easy. I swear it's only seafood!
Nice way to hide the smell of drugs
from the dogs at the port.
Open 'em up. Officer, give me a break.
If that stuff defrosts, I'm finished. Open 'em up!
All right. Dump them out so I can see what's underneath.
76 containers my men opened up today.
And do you know what they found in them besides shrimp?
No guns. No drugs. Just ice.
L-lieutenant, we're sorry.
Apologies don't cut it anymore.
And you didn't just embarrass yourselves.
You embarrassed me.
And now I have to go and explain to the chief
why I wasted all these man-hours
on a shrimp bust while drugstore cowboys
were running around the city shooting up pharmacies!
Let me tell you something.
You need to relax.
I'm gonna talk to these guys later,
find out what's going on.
Will you drop it, Detective?
And just what the hell are you drinking?
Espresso.
You are not undercover anymore!
You know how you can tell I'm undercover?
Listen to the sound of my voice.
There is one good thing that came out of all this.
When people ask me why Dan stark
is still buried in property crimes,
I can just point to all of this.
Hm.
Wow.
I'm glad I'm not this Dan stark guy.
Oh, damn it, Jack. Every time I think I'm after them, they pull me back in.
Come on. It's because those mob guys didn't commit a crime yesterday
doesn't mean that they're not bad guys.
We just gotta make them do something illegal again.
Dan, a wise man once told me
not to get wrapped up in past mistakes.
Yeah? You gonna stop going after Liz?
Come on, Jack.
When you let something get away
that you know you should've had, it's hard to let it go.
Yeah.
Okay. So then how do we nail these guys, huh?
Treat it like a cold case.
What about our warm case at the electronics store?
The mobsters won't bring us to the crime,
we'll bring the crime to the mobsters.
You guys ever hear of smarty-phones?
Sure. What about 'em?
I got a tip about a shipment
coming in tonight to an electronics store.
Gonna be unloaded in the morning.
For now, they're just sitting there in the parking lot.
You saying we should boost 'em?
That's exactly what I'm saying. Be just like old times.
Only I'll, you know, actually be there.
Sil, I don't know.
Them cops showing up, they really freaked us out.
Yeah, what were they doing there?
Cops ain't come sniffing around us in years.
Seven years, actually.
What the hell is this?
You saying I had something to do with it?
I'm saying it's an awful big coincidence.
Look, you don't trust me, I'll take my business elsewhere.
I'm eating. I don't need to be insulted.
Take it easy, Sil. Come on. We're all friends here.
Vinny don't mean nothing by it.
Yeah.
Look, all's I know is that bust last night cost us 20 large.
And I can't sell no shrimp
that's been dumped all over some parking lot.
Sounds like we could all use some cash.
So what's it gonna be, boys?
Opportunity is knock-knock-knocking.
We gonna answer it or we gonna sit here...
Letting life pass us by?
Life's just passing us by.
I've stuck with you for three years,
and what's it got me?
Do we have a house? Do I have nice clothes?
Do we have a baby?
I mean, to be fair, I think your smoking and drinking
have something to do with us not getting pregnant.
That ain't the point.
Now, I need a man who can take care of me.
I need a man who can get things done.
More importantly,
I need a man who knows the difference
between oxyclear and oxycontin!
There's got to be an easier way to get rich.
I mean, it seems like an easy score
if those smartphones are just laying there.
It sounds too easy.
Am I really the only one who thinks it's strange?
Silvio shows up after all this time,
and soon as he does, the cops roll in.
But if Silvio was a cop,
would he let us get away with 400 "k"
from a heist that he planned,
a heist, by the way,
that we were never even questioned about?
I don't know. Maybe you're right.
It's settled, then.
We meet at mama Mia's at 7:00.
We go to the heist from there. Bing.
Did you hear that?!
I heard! I-it's like fate, you know?
It's like God said, "those two need a big score."
And here it is.
I know. Do you think we can do it?
You think we can rip them off?
Baby, I think together we can do anything.
I love you.
Jack, seriously, this is the last...Time.
No. Absolutely.
I mean it!
No. So do I.
Jack, just for the record,
my name is not to be on that paperwork.
You and I never had this conversation.
Seriously, Liz,
I know that this isn't easy for you, either.
And for the record,
I really appreciate the fact
that you're taking the time to not talk to me.
Appreciation received, but you need to know
that if you call me again, I will hang up on you.
Don't worry.
From here on out, I've got it covered.
Okay. Now, so far, so good.
Now, I-I rented a truck, and I parked it
in the parking lot behind the electronics store.
Cool. You fill it up with smarty-phones?
No, I filled it up with empty boxes.
In case something goes wrong again,
we are not gonna lose $400,000 of the department's money.
Good call.
Now, all we got to do is get these guys to admit
that they think they're stealing smartphones.
All right, now, legally, it's the exact same thing
as using fake drugs in a drug sting.
We just need to prove the intent.
That way, we can get a conviction.
Okay?
I didn't really follow all that,
but, uh, I'm okay with it if you are.
Good. Now all we got to do is get you wired.
I don't know what you do or do not know about Silvio,
but he does not get wired.
Well, Silvio messed up last time,
so if he wants Jack's help,
this is gonna be done the right way.
All right. Get along, izzy.
Just be careful.
Silvio's got very sensitive nipples.
Mnh.
How the hell did you learn
all that legal crap about intent and whatnot?
I... oh, geez.
You didn't call your old girlfriend, did you?
No!
Jack.
No.
Seven long years.
I been out like I was taking a dirt nap.
Now I'm back.
I'm here.
For you, Bobby caps.
Look at you.
You look the same.
Ma...
This linguine's so good, I want to make-a love to it.
What are you talking about? That's your sister?
She... get out of town. Gorgeous!
Gorgeous.
Yo! Bobby caps! Big Vin! Lou!
Oh! Oh!
Yeah?
Hey, partner.
You mind doing me a favor
and warning me before nature calls?
What do you want?
I'm getting into some Silvio stuff here pretty heavy,
and I had some chianti, and, uh,
and, man, it's going right through me.
Okay, Silvio.
Well, get ready, 'cause your boys are here.
Showtime.
Oh. Oh, geez.
All right!
Everybody ready to make a little money?
What's going on?
We was just about to ask you the same question...
Officer.
Okay, Silvio.
Well, get ready, 'cause your boys are here.
Hey. What?
Up the block. That blue sedan.
Some guy sitting inside. I don't like it.
Let's check it out.
Oh, no, Vin. That's just Silvio's buddy.
Probably drove him over here.
Hey. Yo. Yo.
How you doin'?
Pretty good. Pretty good.
You a friend of Silvio's?
Little bit.
What's your name?
Uh...Paulie.
Just "paulie"? What do they call you?
Paulie, uh...
The duck.
"Paulie the duck." That's what they call me.
What are you listening to...
Duck?
Now, it's pretty clear that this here cop
was listening in on our conversation.
But the big question is, Silvio...
...Where is the mike?
I don't know what she's talking about.
Guy isn't a cop. Look at this character.
Does that look like a cop to you?
I don't care what he looks like. The guy's a frickin' cop.
And you was hanging out in the bar with him a few nights ago.
Yeah. That's how I know he's not a cop.
Uh-huh.
Huh?
Ta-da.
You cop son of a bitch! I'm gonna kill you!
Come on!
Whoa, whoa. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
I'm sorry, Sil.
I'm gonna have to ask you to strip.
You don't trust me.
Huh?
After everything... now, Sil, or else.
Going down.
Pants...Are going...
...Down.
You mind?
Okay, ladies.
Feast your eyes.
Oh.
Jack-o. You taped my areolas.
Chafing like crazy.
You happy?
Everybody sees what Silvio brings to the party?
Hey, I'm sorry, Sil.
Look at it this way...
I mean, all of a sudden, you show up in town
and this place turns into cop central.
Put yourself in my shoes.
Your shoes?! Put yourself in my Manny panties!
I'm the one who was lied to!
Speakin' of which,
I'd like to have a word with officer two-face here.
I want to talk to you.
You pretended to be my friend.
We went bowling together.
We shared that hooker in Atlantic city!
Aah!
After everything we've been through,
you betray me like this?!
Aah!
God! Is that really necessary?
Was it necessary for you to enter my circle of trust
and then betray me?!
Aah! Aah!
Ohh!
Aah! Look, I'm a cop, you're a criminal.
That's kind of how the relationship works.
Hey! Silvio! Easy, easy.
The guy's just doing his job. Come on.
We got to get out of here. The cops are probably listening.
They're probably on their way right now.
Any cop who's tuning in would be here by now.
What kind of a cop
is gonna let their partner get the snot beat out of him?
That's a good question.
All right.
All I know...
Is we can't let this... Distract us
from the easiest score of our lives.
Those smarty-phones are waiting
over there in that parking lot.
And the only ones who knows about them is us.
Everywhere I look, kids are tapping away on them phones!
I bet they would pay anything to be the first ones
to get their hands on the latest one.
I can feel it, honey bear. This is it!
A-all we need to do... Uh-huh.
...Is get a jump on the mobsters... Right.
...Force them to tell us where the smartphones are... Okay.
...And then hijack their heist.
Wait. What if they don't tell us?
Then we shoot them one at a time till they do.
Let's go get some goombahs.
Hey, Sil, you mind putting on your pants
and helping us figure out what to do here?
This guy's a liability.
Hey, just... I'm... I'm...
I'm trying to think this thing through here, okay?
I don't want to jump to any, you know,
preliminary, uh, premature conclusions.
Theresa?
T-t-theresa.
What's this guy talking about? Who's Theresa?
You know what?
Sometimes, when people are, uh, scared,
they, uh, scream out their mother's name.
You know, for, like, protection and whatnot.
It's natural.
Hey, mommy can't help you now, piglet!
We can't let this guy go. He's seen our faces.
Yeah, but what... just can't leave him here.
Yeah. No, you're right. We got to make him dead.
I'm gonna take him out back... somewhere out of the way.
No, no, no, no, no. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Silvio, let's slow down here. No, no!
You're the guy who said we got to think this through.
You're right, and we got to focus on the score.
Yeah, but there's something you got to know. Right. One second.
I'm gonna make sure Mr. piggy don't get to market.
I'll be right there.
Oh, geez!
I'm s... I'm sorry about that.
It was the only way I could think
to save your life and keep the sting alive.
That was nice use of a code word, by the way.
Next time, just try and work it into a sentence.
It's more subtle-like.
Yeah, I'll remember that
next time I'm getting punched in the face! Shh!
Aah! It's cold! Let's just get this over with, okay?
Let's just pretend that I overpowered you,
and I will go in there
and I will arrest them for assaulting a police officer.
Well, technically, I assaulted a police officer.
And come on, they're never gonna believe
that you could take Silvio.
I got it. This is what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna loosen this.
And when we're gone, you slip out,
you call for backup, you come help us make the bust.
Sound good?
Uh, no, no. Not really.
Perfect.
Madon!
Silvio, we really got to talk.
Now, you don't get us wrong.
We're really grateful for everything you've done for us.
Really grateful.
But this has gotten out of control.
What's the matter?
You never beat up a cop and shove him in a freezer before?
Actually, no, Sil.
That's what we're trying to tell you.
I get it. You guys are big.
You have somebody else do the dirty work. I understand.
You know what kind of work we do?
Big Lou here... he's a dentist.
Has a nice little practice out in plano.
Vin... he's a photographer.
He specializes in high-end weddings and bar mitzvahs.
I'm booked till next march,
but if you know someone who's looking...
These are pretty elaborate fronts you got here.
These aren't fronts. These are careers.
With what we made in the score you planned,
we was able to make something of ourselves.
Big went to school. Vin got equipment.
And you know my daughter?
She got very sick
one month before you brought the plan to us.
And because of you,
we was able to afford the operation that saved her life.
There we go. Yeah!
Oh!
Come o-o-o-n!
Dan!
Dig, Dan!
So, let me get this straight...
none of you guys is criminals?
Oh, we didn't want to let you down, Sil.
But we never really committed no crimes.
Not until you convinced us to rob that dog track.
You guys are made guys!
Made-up guys is more like it.
I mean, sure, we talk a big game,
but we never really had the stones to actually do nothin'!
Oh, geez.
The second the heist was over,
w-we knew we weren't cut out for it.
Catholic guilt or whatever.
Wait a minute.
Why was youse guys so ready to steal the smarty-phones?
We felt we owed you.
I mean, get you back on your feet
like you did for us.
But now this thing with the cop... it ain't us.
We can't go to jail, Sil.
Youse guys, you don't need to worry about the cops.
There's something I got to tell you guys.
Everybody, freeze! Nobody moves, nobody gets hurt.
Except you!
That's what's called a warning shot.
You don't take us to the score you got set up,
that's the last warning you gonna get!
I think there's been a-a big misunderstanding.
The only thing I'm misunderstandin'
is why I ain't lookin' at a truck full of smartphones
right now!
Oh, that's, um, what I'm trying to explain.
One of two things is gonna happen.
Now, either you're leaving here with us
and taking us to the phones...
...Or you ain't leaving here at all.
That was so badass, baby.
I am totally hot for you right now!
How hot will you be if I shoot him in the face, baby?
Not necessary. What do you say, fellas?
Should we take them to the smarty-phones?
Yeah. Yeah.
That's more like it.
Now, let's get out of here.
What is that... uzi! Tec-9. Nice.
Yeah? So?
I'm just... you look tough.
You know, what are you, 5'11", blond?
And your girlfriend, she's like, uh,
5'6"? Shut up!
Okay. Go, damn it!
Get...
To...
The...Door.
Truly...Great...Partners...
Leave...Each other... Locked...In...The freezer!
Okay.
Please...
Don't let it get stuck to the metal.
Uh. Uh.
Okay. Okay. I...
Yeah! Yeah!
Okay. Okay.
Uh-huh.
Okay. Scroll.
Uh!
Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.
Please pick up. Please pick up.
Jack, absolutely, positively, no.
Liz, look, I'm sorry!
Your number was on my speed-dial, all right?
Now, I just... I need you to help me!
Jack, listen,
I'm glad that this is some kind of joke to you,
but this is my life that you're messing with here.
No, no, no! Okay. Look. Wait.
It's not... it's not what you think!
I just need you to...
no, you listen to me... I'm the one that has to deal
with work wondering why I'm helping you.
My boyfriend is wondering why I'm helping you,
and now I am honestly starting to wonder why I'm helping you.
Just listen to what I got to tell you, okay?!
Jack, please don't interrupt me
when I'm trying to hang up on you.
I really care about you. I do.
But at some point, I got to care about myself.
So right now I'm going to turn off my phone,
and I don't want to talk to you for a couple of days, okay? No! No! Liz! Don't!
Goodbye.
No! God! Whoa!
What did I tell youse?
Right behind the electronics store.
Let's go!
Where are the keys? Keys?
There's 400 "k" worth of electronics in there.
They don't leave the keys in the ignition.
You got to steal. Come on.
You mean like hot-wire? Yeah. Exactly. Hot-wire.
So...
Pleasure doing business with youse.
Come on. Let's go.
Hey. What?
You know, someone's gonna come lookin' for this here truck
once they realize it's missin'.
But if we unload it and put it into our ride,
they ain't gonna know what to look for.
What about them?
They know what our car looks like.
It won't matter what they've seen...
if they ain't breathin'.
I love you so hard.
I love you too, so hard.
All right, fellas! We ain't done with you yet!
Silvio.
I think these boxes are empty.
Yeah. Just, uh, go with it. I'll explain later.
What do you mean?
Look, Bobby...
There's something I got to tell youse.
Freeze! Police!
Drop your guns!
I can't believe that ass-hat manager fired us.
Like no one's ever accidentally
left a porn site up on a computer screen before.
Looks like he fixed up sparky.
Oh, yeah!
Dan, there any other weapons I need to know about?
Dan?
What are youse talking about? I don't see no dans here.
Enough already, okay?
The sting is over. We're bringing everybody in.
Sting?
Silvio, is that why the boxes are empty?
I mean, you were setting us up, Sil?
I'm Detective Dan stark,
Dallas p.D.
I'm sorry, Bobby.
I was gonna call the whole thing off
when I realized that you guys weren't,
you know, bad guys.
Wait a second.
Do you mean to tell me that we kidnapped a cop
to hijack a heist that don't even exist?
Basically, yeah.
Man. I cannot catch a break!
Keep it together, baby. I'm trying!
Keep it together.
We're still two guns against one.
And I'm thinking if anyone's putting theirs down,
it's the pig that's standing behind us.
How you figure that?
I may not have my g.E.D.,
but I'm thinkin' the odds ain't too good
for you to take both of us out
before one of us puts a few slugs
in your partner over there.
I don't know about you, Jack,
but I haven't been this scared
since Jimmy Carter was president!
And if you're in a multiple-threat scenario,
you'd say, "reagan."
That meant take out the guy on the right.
You say "carter," that meant take out the guy on the left.
Uh, yeah.
D-dan, I-I'm not really much of a-a Carter man myself.
More of a Reagan guy, are you?
No, I just don't think
talking politics is the best idea right now.
I'm gonna have to agree with your partner over there.
Put the gun down!
Ha! Yes! We got him!
You sure about this, baby?
I mean, robbing pharmacies is one thing,
but killing cops is another.
If you love me, you will do
whatever it takes to get us out of this.
Jack, I'm gonna have to ask you to choose a candidate right now!
Wait, wait, wait, wait! Is it your Carter or my Carter?!
Any groping you may be experiencing is unintentional!
However, you do retain the right to enjoy it!
Oh, God!
Get down! Get down! You're under arrest!
Geez! She bit me! I think she gave me the rabies!
I'm gonna have to get them stomach shots!
Have a seat. We'll deal with you in a minute.
Those two are taken care of. Where are the other guys?
Fuggedaboutit.
What?
Dan.
Dan, w-what about your shot at redemption, huh?
There's always another way to redeem yourself, partner.
For the record, we cracked the vandal case
and we caught the drugstore cowboys.
The drugstore case, which I think should be
officially classified as a property crime.
Hm. Point taken, gentlemen.
I mean, there's just one thing I'd love to clear up.
Any idea how these drugstore cowboys
just happened to be at a store
that was nowhere near a pharmacy,
where you two just happened to be conducting a stakeout?
Well, we just happen to be that good.
Hey.
Hello.
You, uh...
Sure you can be seen talking to me?
Listen, Jack, I'm sorry.
I would never have hung up on you
if I knew you were actually in trouble.
Liz, I don't call you for the hell of it.
I call you because...
Well, because you're the best.
At your job, I mean.
Why wouldn't I want to be with the best?
Well, I think you're pretty great, too.
At your job.
Liz Traynor.
Uh, yeah, I got a question about this bust I made today.
I was wondering, can you help me out?
Hm.
You know I'll always be there for you, Jack.